Sunday, January 16, 2011

I am forever learning.

Well, duh. Haha, but it is very true. So up until about a week ago I had our life figured out. I mean really figured out. Well at least the next 10 years or so, no biggie. Hm. I am dumb. So dumb.

Literally the day after God sent me into unfamiliar territories subbing in a "scary" high school I am presented with the opportunity (and about 1 hour to prepare myself) to sit down with a few administrators from the district in regards to a few math positions that were opening up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE YEAR at a few unknown schools.. how does this happen?? :] It's like God gave me a glimpse of confidence so that I would say "maybe I can do this" and then he provides me with a REAL LIFE possible opportunity to actually DO IT. I was FREAKING out; super shocked, nervous, excited, and about a million other emotions all at once. The "conversation" went really really well and I am checking out a few schools next week and I cannot wait! {I will tell more about the schools and experiences after I actually see where this goes and how it all plays out}

BUT... this was not my planned life. Working at these schools did not fit into THE PLAN.

THE PLAN was not the original plan. It wasn't even the second plan. But it really felt like God's plan for our life. We felt like it was all swinging together in one full circle cycle, and this new opportunity threw us for a loop. We are currently YL leaders, living and {I was} attempting to work within this particular community, also volunteering and getting involved in multiple organizations/programs all circulating around this particular community, and it all felt right. We love building with and working in communities. We love investing and giving to the community in which we live. This new possibility {at least at this point} doesn't feel very close to "our community".

I talked and prayed with friends and family and sought advice from mentors. I prayed {and am still praying, and would love help} bold prayers for God to close doors and help me to see His clear intentions and we will see how next week goes. At this point I feel at peace with things either way. But this is really a lot more up in the air than I am used to feeling.

I don't know why I think I have the right to sit and plan out my fantasy life for hours on end; like my plan could be anything close to His plan. I know God will lead us to a life better than anything we could dream up, so why do I even try to plan ahead for so much that just is not necessary. Being prepared and thinking ahead is one thing, planning to the details and exact timing that I feel at times I just must do is very very... dumb.

My bff Megan sent this to me the other day from her devotional, and I have been reading it to myself over and over:

" Much much stress resuts from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong towards your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence."

and then this one from another day:

"Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you will have only vague ideas about it. You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey. You'd feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead. However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today: Spend quality time with Me. I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey. My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way. Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts. Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me. My abiding Presence is the best road map available."

One day at a time and I will be more aware and aligned with the best plan possible: His plan.

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